Whether it's flat, round, or "going through a phase", the Earth is an ever-present part of our lives. It's always sitting there, right below us (or above, if you're Australian), and it's all we got for right now. And yet, "earth"? I don't know, people. Does that name sit right with us? Feel how your tongue curls up in disgust when you say it. "Earth". In the history of humanity, this is the best we've come up with? We can blame it on our ancestors, who were dumb, really big on rocks, and always sneaking into Neanderthal prom dances. We could blame it on the spread of Western civilization, bringing with it to, too, two, and "that's so fetch". Hell, we can get all deep and blame it on language's failure to capture the inescapable beauty of this planet. But at the end of the day, we have to come to terms with an imperfect name, and an uncertain future.
If you find yourself confused, conflicted, or repulsed by the idea that "Earth" isn't good enough for Earth, you're not alone. This isn't easy for me to write. I've grown up my entire life calling it "Earth". There were times where I even kinda liked the name. With growing up, however, sometimes we have to reckon with the fact that we used to be wrong about things. Babies are not conceived by open-mouth kissing alone and "Earth" isn't a good name. I have to live with these early failures. If you're still not convinced, keep reading. And if you are convinced, read anyway. This could be your go-to guide for winning arguments that will surely erupt around this very topic. Behold, the facts!
Joe Brueggemeyer hosts and edits The Marquee podcast with Logan, and has an unhealthy obsession with baking.